I’ve been struggling with a way to sum up this past year in one perfectly wrapped year-end post, all tied up with ribbons, nice and neat. I’ve begun this post countless times, always trying to find the best way to convey to all of you exactly what this year has been like. I have wanted to share with you how much your love and support (and mustaches) have meant to me this year. But it’s been a complete waste of time. I could never sum up what I have taken away from this year in one pretty post.
This year wasn’t pretty. This year was hard. It rocked me to my core. I am still fighting to reclaim much of who I once was, rebuilding pieces of who I want to be, and learning to make peace with the loss of things I can’t get back. Throughout this year, I felt an incredible range of emotions, from anger and fear, to acceptance and gratitude. The one thing I never felt was alone. In so many different ways, your tweets, your emails, your offers to help, your prayers, hugs and smiles, you guys helped me navigate through this year with hope and gratitude, and some days, maybe, just a little bit of grace.
Some of you, and you know who you are, sat at my bedside and held my hand. Others held my children, and made sure my family was fed. Some of you, without being asked, just kept showing up. It is something I will never forget, and those acts of kindness will shape the way my children live their lives and how they treat others. We are forever changed because once upon a time, a girl fell down, and an entire community came together to pick her up, dust her off, and carry her awhile until she could walk on her own.
I cannot think of any words of my own to express what I feel when I think back on this year. More than anything else, the thing that resonates most was more than just never feeling alone. You made me feel protected. Protected. That’s huge. It meant more to me than you could possibly know. There were times when it was harder than normal to pick myself up and get through one more treatment, one more hospital stay, one more fucking MRI. It’s those moments that I don’t talk about. I don’t tweet about them. Those are the moments that I have to dig deep. I have to forgive myself for feeling so weak, so sad. I have to pull it all back together and remember that my life is beautiful, even if this moment is not. I remember earlier this year, sitting in the quiet, listening to this song, it made me think of all of you. Loving me, protecting me, never letting me stand alone, and I thought, “This is going to be okay.” You did that. I am forever grateful.
Timshel, Mumford and Sons
Thank you, for everything. I’ll eat you up, I love you so.
15 comments
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December 21, 2010 at 11:43 am
Amy
#meloveyoulongtime
December 21, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Laacke Matt
I think I speak for everyone when I say, “We can’t fix a damn bit of this. But we can damn well make sure you don’t go through it alone.”
That’s all anyone can ever really do for the people we love.
December 21, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Mare
I am grateful for you and your family. #nocryingmare #muchlove
December 21, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Laura Gregorski
#BBFF
2011 = Harleys
December 21, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Cindi
Thank you for letting us be there for you. It takes a strong person to do that. Rock on mama. 🙂
December 21, 2010 at 4:09 pm
thatwoman
You never asked Sara, and that is why it was so easy to give and for those that could “do” to help you. Those that helped you — are just as amazing as the woman who is saying “Thank you.” You have an amazing family and friends. It’s God who is saying “Thank you Sara 2.0″ for sticking around and having faith in me.”
December 21, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Sarah
You and your family mean absolutely the world to me. I wish I could express just how grateful I am you let me in your lives. You got me babe, whatever you need. 🙂
December 21, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Jess
We love you too. lots.
December 21, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Lana
I love you Sara. xo
December 21, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Diane
#thatsenoughsara You’re bringing tears to my eyes again. You’re such an amazing woman, it’s no wonder you’re surrounded by love. Here’s to kicking 2010 to the curb and ringing in the new year!
December 21, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Katie Felten
You made me push to be better to be more like you. Sara you are an amazing woman and you are my HERO.
December 24, 2010 at 2:17 pm
ultimatestamina
Wow, your story hits deep. I am so proud of you and your strength. You are an inspiration.
After 2 major spine surgeries this year I feel for you and offer you whatever strength I have. Yes, hospitals, MRI’s, needles and injections, meds, etc. A daily struggle that makes us stronger and more determined. Hugs
December 28, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Phil Gerbyshak
You rock socks Sara! Keep healing! You are loved and appreciated. So much!
Here’s to a wonderful 2011 for you and your family. Let me know if I can ever help.
January 14, 2011 at 2:19 am
Wade L.
Some day, Sara, I would be honored to meet you. I don’t understand how you can capture all of the beauty and love into so few words. Thank you for showing me a wider view.
Wade
March 23, 2011 at 11:17 am
Alexandra
Beautiful, and you are so blessed.
To have so many people doing so much for you, when you needed, just tells me you would do the same for them.
When you see someone surrounded by so much love, it’s because they’ve given it out first.
I’ve loved finding out about you. This post tells a lot.