An ongoing list of shit that really grinds my gears.
1. Use of the word EPIC in every day conversation. (Most notably used on Twitter.) No, your nap, shower, sandwich, etc. Is not/was not/never will be EPIC, so shut the fuck up, mkay?
2. Whiners. Enough said.
3. People who park like morons.
4. People who drive like morons.
5. Morons.
6. People who brag about “never” watching TV. Um, am I supposed to be impressed by this? First of all, I immediately wonder if you’re even marginally entertaining and/or funny. Second of all, I think you’re lying anyway.
7. Preachy vegans and Religious zealots. I like meat and I like Jesus. I’m not interested in discussing this with either of you. Thanks.
8. “Yummo.” If you say this in front of me, I promise to fight the urge to slap you. ESPECIALLY if you are a dude.
9. “Social Media Experts” that don’t know when to dial it back.
10. Chubby Trick or Treaters that ask, “I can only take ONE?”
11. Dudes wearing Skinny Jeans their sister’s jeans.
12. People who steal other people’s ideas/content/funny/snark. Total douchebaggery.
13. Self promoters that don’t know when to dial it back.
14. The Shake Weight This has actually become a source of much laughter for me. I take it back.
15. Pajama Jeans?!? Goddammit, America.
16. “Humblebraggarts”
to be continued…
15 comments
Comments feed for this article
January 3, 2010 at 1:06 am
Tim
What about dudes who jeans have unfortunately shrunk in the dryer?
August 20, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Darrence
You got to push it-this essetainl info that is!
February 13, 2010 at 6:19 pm
Sarah
Hi. I think I just added you to my soulmates list on Twitter.
March 26, 2010 at 1:48 pm
chuck
ok….wait one hot minute….i wear skinny jeans and i just got back from an EPIC lunch at sobelmans….what ya gotta say now….huh??
March 26, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Sara
I would say where’s MY burger!? What, you couldn’t grab one to go? *sigh*
But in all seriousness, I am going to have to say… CHUCK NORRIS does NOT approve, unless you have a mustache. In your case (fully bearded) I’m just not sure how it all plays together. (Although a Sobelmans burger *might* actually qualify for an epic lunch. I’ll think about it and get back to you.) This is all very complicated, you know. ;]
March 26, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Sara
And also, I just realized that you said “One HOT minute…” Currently laughing my ass off. As you were.
March 26, 2010 at 2:11 pm
chuck
well my daily goal of making you laugh your ass off has been achieved….time to go home and put on one of 7 chuck norris shirts currently in my wardrobe….tonight it will be the one with him punching through a chessboard with the caption “chuckmate….you lose!”
March 26, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Sara
Chuck Norris joke of the day, brought to you by sarasantiago.com:
If Chuck Norris was a calendar, every month would be Chucktober, and every day he’d kick your ass.
March 26, 2010 at 2:35 pm
chuck
chuckism of the day (courtesy of charles lamarche’s facebook page): fast food restaurants were created so that people could eat while running from chuck norris
June 16, 2010 at 9:48 am
Adam
I actually own a Chuck Norris calendar…that’s weird. June’s Chuck Norris fact: “Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.”
November 2, 2010 at 7:23 pm
zachfarley
Haha, agree with everything, except the shake weight. But I am a sucker for unintentional comedy, even though it may be intentional.
December 8, 2010 at 1:25 am
T_Haus
I like to call the shake weight, “The Jugga-Lug.” Sorta wish I had invented it. I’m getting one for me and one for my BFF, simply because it will make us laugh and laugh.
March 28, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Unknown Mami
I never watch people who don’t watch TV.
July 31, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Michael Warwick
You forgot “morons” on your list.
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